This topic contains 19 replies, has 16 voices, and was last updated by  nutter 4 months ago.

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  • #1285

    sammy
    Participant

    When my son was 18 and started earning I started taking £20 per week off him for board, to teach him responsibility.
    I save this for him, and will give it all back to him when he leaves home. He does not know this.

    About a year ago when he was 19/20 ( I should have made a note) I asked how much he had saved up. It was £0

    I suggested and he agreed that he should save £30 per week.

    I did a check 10 weeks later and he had, £0

    My view is that I charge him minimal board to support him in building a future, therefore his board should be £50 – £100 per week, and I am prepared to subsidise his saving, but not his trips to Trafford centre and the pub.

    He agreed to save £30 – £50 per week that would not be touched.

    I have now asked to see a statement for his savings account.

    He is wriggling.

    I suspect £0

    Oh dear, the row before Christmas

  • #1286

    katy
    Participant

    He’s at the stage of his life where savings are a luxury, not a necessity.
    His boiler isn’t going to pack up, he’s not going to have to pay for his kids skiing trip or buy an engagement ring any time soon etc etc.

    Let him buy stupid things and spend the money on girls and beer. He’ll soon learn that there’s more to life!
    Forcing him to do it will only make him more inclined to not want to.

    I rented a flat with a mate when I was 19, wasted all my monthly income on beer, clothes and cars. I still bought my first house at 23, engaged at 25 and paying for my own wedding at 26. Don’t worry yourself. He’ll work it out!

  • #1287

    sammy
    Participant

    @katy I am trying to teach. You cannot really force anyone to do anything. The tragedy is a lot of people in the UK are financial F*ck wits, and 1 month away from the street. I do not want my son to be one of them.

  • #1288

    fred
    Participant

    I’d be less worried about his lack of saving and more worried about his (ab)use of credit, for example a current account overdraft or credit card(s). It’s hard to not save and to keep up with your mates without some credit use.

    If he’s using credit (beyond the 1-month interest free period on a card) that habit needs addressing before you even think about starting on the savings.

    I have never explicitly planned to save – I have budgeted fully, and saving comes as part of that. Saving without budgeting is a precarious thing.

    As for the board money – I wouldn’t give it to him when he leaves home but when he leaves and when you become certain he is going to put it into savings.

    I know some people working in their later 60s partially to support adult children who’ve left home and who have no special needs beyond an inability to budget.

  • #1289

    ratface
    Participant

    To be honest – my Dad did the same – had no idea my ‘rent’ would come back to me a year or two later when I left home and needed it. However I’m afraid it taught me nothing (extra at least bar my Dad being a top bloke in a very quiet way). He also tried to get me to save but I lurched from one disaster to another and my income was way too low for it to really be feasible.
    I knew I should save but didn’t – I knew my Dad saved carefully for all sorts of things etc, but I didn’t.
    For the first many years of my adult life I knew the concepts of saving and budgeting etc but couldn’t afford to. Yes I know ‘can’t afford to’ is a crazy illogical idea on budgeting but that’s how most people live their financial lives (at some point at least).
    My finances have come good and I think the example set by my father put me on the right path of knowing what to do now that I’m in better shape, and it did help me to get to that better shape.
    Enforced savings however wouldn’t make any difference really – the example and support/information available to me did in the long term.

  • #1290

    bill
    Participant

    Oh he’ll get there in the end. I was useless with budgeting but still managed to by a flat and a house. I’m still not great at it but its taken me a long time to work out what the best way for me save.

    With just enough time to build up something decent for retiring.

  • #1291

    Duck
    Participant

    I don’t think it is possible to make him save if he doesn’t want to, but I’d be inclined to charge an amount for board that more realistically reflects living costs.

    If he is working full time and only paying £20 he must have a lot of disposable cash and the £20 probably doesn’t register as much of an expense at all, especially if that includes his food as well.

    My daughter’s boyfriend is in his early twenties, lives with his parents, pays no board and reckons he is really skint. Although he doesn’t earn much more than minimum wage, because he has no real living costs he actually has more disposable income than I do, even though I am in my forties and earning a really decent salary. I’m not sure how he will get on when he has actual bills to pay!

  • #1292

    Nerdkid
    Participant

    Between the ages of 17 and 25 I spent every penny I had and had a bloody great time. I now earn a ‘top 1%’ salary and have no time to enjoy it. I do not regret those days for a second.

  • #1293

    Adam
    Participant

    When I was that age my parents had the same conversation. It got the same results that you are getting.
    I spent everything and complained I was skint. I had 0 responsibilities and outgoings. Yes it would have been great to get into your mid twenties with plenty saved but thats not the reality of young people. I do not regret the beers!

    I am now 27 and have savings. I have a house, car and Fiancee who wants a nice wedding.
    That said, I would still rather spend it on beer

    Don’t fret, he will come round and start saving when he is ready/ needs money.
    If all else fails….. Bitcoin?

  • #1294

    sammy
    Participant

    Thanks for all the replies. I think everyone should read this https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Richest_Man_in_Babylon_(book) if they do not, thats their tough titty. As far as my son is concenrend he can do as he will, and I will try my best. But this bank of Mum and Dad will be living in Catalonia in 2 or 3 years, and there will be no withdrawals allowed

  • #1295

    jumpingjack
    Participant

    A friend’s parents offered, when he was 18 and ready for university, to match whatever he managed to save whilst he was doing his degree. He left with a fair few grand saved and it was instantly doubled. He had no overdraft or credit card debt, just the usual student loans.
    When my son moved in with me at the age of 18 and offered to pay board, I told him no, he could live with me for free. He was an apprentice on low wages but I told him he had to not cost me money. I expected him to chip in equally for cleaning stuff, toilet rolls, etc and buy his own food. The first time he went shopping, he put all the things his mother had in the cupboard into his basket and was shocked at the cost – managing his finances well came quickly after that.
    I had my son living with me, it cost me a small amount of electricity but no more than that, certainly no stress between us about how he used his own money and whilst he didn’t save much, (and let’s face it, what 18 year old wants to?) he did learn to budget properly and that to me was an important lesson to learn. Three years later, I happily lent him a deposit for a house which he paid back two years later.
    I’ve never saved but here I am at 52, pretty much semi-retired despite never going to Uni or having a well paid job and that’s down to my parents teaching me the value of money.
    I dunno but maybe that might be of more value to your son than arguing over him not saving?

  • #1296

    dave
    Participant

    ‘But this bank of Mum and Dad will be living in Catalonia in 2 or 3 years, and there will be no withdrawals allowed’

    You could tell him this, hint at it, perhaps?

  • #1297

    sammy
    Participant

    @dave LOL. I think you have a sense of me. I struggle with hints. When I caught him smoking I pinned an Anti Cancer poster up in his bedroom, thats about as subtle as I get

  • #1298

    dave
    Participant

    @sammy My own Dad has generally been as subtle. Looking at how much money he gets each month, and at how much money he ‘uses’, in the amount of food he eats and energy bills might help to focus his mind? Writing it all down I mean.

    It’s what has done the trick for me in the end – looking squarely at the financial reality of what it costs to live. It’s the minority of people who don’t change once they’re aware of these things I think?

    We’re quite animal like deep down, in wanting to do what it takes to be comfortable and survive.

    You could pin the figures on his wall as well? Poor kid. 😉

  • #1299

    chris
    Participant

    I have always put money away each month for my three children from birth. £150 each into a junior ISA where I have chosen the funds. It seemed like a good idea, although the quandary will be when to give it to them. If I had been given a large amount of money on my 18th BD I know what would have happened to it.

    They will not be told about this until the day they receive it, so I will be trying to instill a saving discipline into them…how successfully I have no idea.

  • #1300

    el
    Participant

    I’m 37 years old and have never saved. I also have the same overdraft level that I had when I was a student.

    I see no point in devaluing my money by putting it into a savings account. Instead, I budget properly and all spare cash goes into paying off the mortgage as fast as possible.

    Getting into debt that you cannot afford to pay off is the bigger problem.

    When you are starting out it is much more difficult to save as your on a low income. I could save now, but what’s the point when I’ve got a mortgage to pay off. I suppose this only works if you’ve enough left over from a single paycheck after bills to pay for a holiday but if this wasn’t the case it would be a couple of months saving or sticking it on an interest free credit card and paying it off after two or three months.

    All depends on what his other outgoings are, does he run a car for instance.

    I have never saved for a rainy day.

  • #1301

    jack
    Participant

    £20 a week for a couple of years = £2,000.

    At this rate with him not saving anything at all he’s going to be staying with you a long time before he can even contemplate moving out (deposit to rent or buy). I blame the credit society don’t have to save just borrow, with my first motorbike I’d never have got to buy it on HP unless I had proved I could save a good deposit.

    Perhaps kids have it too easy at home and its why they don’t stand on their own feet. The lad across the road must be close on thirty he doesn’t work and no sign of him moving out anytime soon, led to believe all too regular an occurrence nowadays.

  • #1340

    troll
    Participant

    Have you considered putting the money in a pension for him instead of giving it back?
    I keep meaning to start a pension for my daughter (same age) so she will at least have some money that will be in a pension fund for years.

    I was financially naive (probably still am) when I was young, and never had any advice about this sort of thing, but I doubt if I would have listened, all my money went on beer etc, but I wish I’d started a pension early.

  • #3249

    pete
    Participant

    I don’t think saving in things like bank accounts or ISAs or pensions or even property is likely to work out as well for someone in their 20s as it has for people who are now in their 50s or 60s. The mega trends which are allowing older people to retire at 60 and get rich from owning property are the same factors that are working against young people.

    Further, I don’t see how the present financial system can withstand the impact of genetic engineering and AI. People who are 20 now should expect to live to 100 or 120 or even older and they should expect most jobs to be replaced by machines. Artificial Intelligence is going to pretty much force taxation of wealth and redistribution via a universal basic income or all the rewards will be concentrated in property owning gentry.

    If they are going to save then they should put some of the money in crypto currency like Bitcoin. Get into something at the start of its growth curve where the scarcity works for early adopters rather than things like houses which the older generation has already sewn up.

  • #3250

    nutter
    Participant

    I’m 37 years old and have never saved. I also have the same overdraft level that I had when I was a student…

    …I have never saved for a rainy day.

    Myself and the wife have always had savings, not massive by any means but a decent rainy day fund that we never needed until 2 years ago when she was rushed in to hospital and came home a month later with a big hole in her side and tubes draining in to various bags.
    That was August 2015 and 2 weeks ago she went back to work for the first time.
    Our savings are rather reduced now due to only one wage coming in and the extra costs involved in her being at home.
    Without them we would now be in a significant level of debt.

    Second cautionary tale.
    October 2015 my best mate was killed by a drunk driver, a few months before that his wife had to give up working due to ill health. They had no savings.
    Its now December 2017 and the insurance still hasn’t paid out and if it wasn’t for friends helping her out she would have lost the house and also be lumbered with massive debt and due to her disability she at the age of 59 will never work again.

    Enjoy your money whilst you can but always have a buffer against the dark times.

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